Monday, October 13, 2014
It's Not About You.
The acts of becoming and being a Mother are perhaps the most selfless things that one can do. Once your precious bundle is here it isn't about you anymore. You must triumph through sickness, general tiredness and long lost senses of freedom to care for the tiniest and the neediest. Everything else is on the back burner (except for that dinner you had in mind, nope, that is still either waiting at the grocery store that you didn't manage to make it to or in the fridge spoiling).
There are days that you just want to feel normal again. Here is a short list of things I would like to do without a baby interrupting:
1. Drink a HOT cup of coffee while aimlessly watching tv
2. Go to the bathroom alone and not have to hurry
3. Eat hot food (actually I don't even care that much anymore- cold is the new normal)
4. Take a nap of my own free will (not after fighting to get baby to take one only to have her wake up 20 minutes later- the drool had barely begun to hit my pillow, dangit.)
5. Go to the grocery store alone (heck, go anywhere alone)
6. Take a shower whenever I want
Did I mention sleep eight hours?
Some days (especially growth spurt days *sigh*) I have moments of frustration and mourning for the good ole days when I could do what I wanted when I wanted. But it's not about me.
It's her day too. And she is new to this crazy world. Each day she sees and experiences things that she hasn't before which I know is both amazing and frightening. I brought her into this world and I should bring her through each day as gracefully as I can manage.
I am human and I am flawed. She cannot tell me all that she is thinking and I know she wants to. I hope she is thinking that I am doing a good job. I try to do her justice.
She is my mini-me, my sidekick and only for a short time. So for now I will remind myself to embrace the cold coffee, cat naps and random showers. Because with those I get to watch her learn new things and I get the most amazing baby cuddles. To her there will only be one Mom, and that's me. For that honor I am ok with it not being about me.