You glance in the bathroom mirror, but not too long. With bags under your eyes and your hair sprouting in all directions you quickly wonder if you look more like a zombie or a crazy person. Can my husband even see the me (the one he married) underneath this shocking facade? I can’t dwell on it too long because a tiny little bundle is rustling, ready for her next meal. After squeezing in a quick bathroom break—careful not to make too much noise because then the crying will really start—I shuffle in the darkness to turn on a night light. I try to beat the clock by changing her diaper quickly, just fast enough to feed her before she starts crying. The ultimate debate of new motherhood: is she just rummaging in her sleep or is she actually waking up to eat? At 10 weeks in I know the difference.
I guess what I didn’t realize about becoming a mother is that they don’t actually just sleep. I naively thought that babies this little were so sleepy that they just drifted off to sleep when tired. My new occupation: Ring Leader. My new job description: Spend a shocking amount of time getting this tiny little human to sleep. The most I can say is that every day is different and there is no rut to get stuck in.
To the Mom newer than I, you learn to adjust and fast. Some nights you will want to run away but trust me, you won’t get past the hallway. That tiny little bundle depends on you and despite being tired, hungry and sometimes weary, you will thrive off of those sweet smiles. Everyone wants to tell you how horrible it is. Your big round belly is a magnet for comments like: “It’ll never be about you again”, “sleep now because when that baby gets here…” etc. Let those thoughts drift out faster than they came because you’ll be just fine. The baby WILL sleep (and so will you), they make makeup to cover those bags, and you will have a precious baby that will love you despite your crazy hair.